My bike ride.

So, last night I finally got bike tires and inter-tubes for my thirty-or-so year old bike. This morning me and my dad put them on, and it felt so good to have my bike back! Now I didn't have to walk to work any more. ;) Anyway, after work I took a shower, ate some good bread and went on a nice long bike ride... I think it was about two hours long. Since we moved I haven't really had a chance to explore all these roads around here, and I thought today would be a perfect opportunity to go on an adventure. So, I started off turning left down 32nd street, which (if you've been to my house, you know what I'm talking about) is the road where you turn onto ours. So, I went down there, because I had been there with Brittany Hamiter on our horses before, and I thought I'd start with somewhere I knew. (That was also the day Brittany and Madeline got attacked by a dog...) After a while I started getting adventurous. I would turn down any road I passed; ninety percent of which were dead ends, all the while listening to (and situating) my Sansa and headphones. (I had started out just holding my Sansa, but after a while that got annoying so I dared to put it in my pocket, hoping it wouldn't fall out. After adjusting the headphone cord just right, it was much better.) It was one of those days where the sun was bright and hot, but there was just enough breeze and shade to make it so you didn't over-heat... but I was still sweating. >_< I came down... what road is that? I don't remember what it's called, but about half way down this border collie, and this other black mutt-dog came running out and started chasing me. At first I was a little nervous; I don't trust dogs much, but after a moment I realized they just wanted to run. I was surprised that the border collie was keeping up with me so easily. It was running right along side my bike. So I started going faster, and faster. The dog went faster, and faster too, and right about that time Decode by Paramore started playing on my Sansa. It was awesome because it started at a perfect time, and the border collie was running in sinc with the music; but eventually he dropped off, leaving only the little black one, who was running in the ditches. He kept running for about another hundred feet or so, before he gave up. By the time I slowed down, my legs felt like jelly. :3 The car who had been behind me the whole time pulled ahead, and the lady gave me a big smile as thanks for the show. I smiled back. :D
So, after that I continued my journey down the roads with the beautiful sun beating down, and the wonderful breeze against my face; the feeling of acceleration and freedom making my heart sing. ^_^ I wandered down all kinds of dead end roads and streets, looking at all the beautiful (and not so beautiful) houses. I thought... this neighborhood is tons better than the one we used to have. I came to a stop sign: I could either turn around, or ride on 646... I hate traffic, so I decided to turn around and explore some more dead end roads. They're always more interesting anyway.
Just my luck to go on a bike ride when the kids are getting out of school, and the place is crawling with school buses. *rolls eyes* Great. I came to a stop sign, and waited until one of those stupid buses finished turning. As it drove away some boy leaned out the window and shouted something at me. I had my headphones on so I didn't hear what he said, so I just smiled and waved at him all pleasant like (in a bitter and spiteful kind of way). Then I turned down Ave G and adventured down there... nothing exciting happened, except I felt a little lonely. I took this twisty-turny, round-about way back to the "main road". I don't know what road that is... I guess I should... I even looked at the street sign. :P Anyway, a school bus passed me... the same one that kid was in. He leaned out the window again, and said something. Again, I couldn't hear him, so he started making all these provocative faces at me... I just gave him the "how-dare-you-live-on-the-same-planet-as-me" look and about that time the school bus turned and I never saw him again!... He kinda looked like Travis Smithley...
I got back on 32nd, considering going back home (because I would pass my street), but I didn't want to... So I didn't. ;) I continued on, taking random roads; whichever ones I felt like. I turned down one... I don't know it's name, and when I got to the end I stopped and looked around because it seemed so familiar to me... Then I looked out past the end of the road, and there was Helen's house: The place I work at. Then an idea popped in my head.
If this it that road... then maybe I should try to find the road where the camp ground is...
Needless to say, by the time I got back to 32nd street I had totally forgotten. :P
So, I continued to adventure. I went down every road I came across. My favorite so far is tied between Ave D1/2 and Ave. E. Ave. E is pretty fantastic, though there was no shade. At first I thought: this sun is gonna kill me. I'm already sweating to death. Then I thought: Hey! Sunshine! I love sunshine! Hello sunshine! :D And I rolled up my sleeves to let my poor pale shoulders share the rays. (Between you and me, I have a perfect farmer's tan going on. ;} ) In all honesty I hadn't felt so good in a very long time. My legs were tired; sure. I was out of breath; of course! (I was thinking about this time that if I were in Pennsylvania; with it's twisting, hilly roads; on a bike ride in the shape I'm in I would die! How did I do it when I was five?!) But that's what made it so good! XD On Ave. E there was this lovely little gray horse who looked so lonely. :\ I wanted to bring him home with me! :X Oh well. On my way back I saw him getting a drink out of a pulchritudinous pond and I thought Nah, he's happy where he is. I could just tell. ;)
After my adventure with E I got back on 32nd and decided I better go home. It was getting kind of late, and I thought I should spend the rest of this beautiful day with my family.  (I have a pretty great family.) I looked on the other side of the road, the one I hadn't adventured on yet and decided I'd do one more. I picked a road called Greenbriar; a road that had attracted me before. I started down the shaded street and, again, I seemed to recognize it. Then I realized why: At the very end, where the road stopped was a "No trespassing" sign, and further down was another sign that said "The Haven". Miraculously, and quite on accident, I had found the camp ground.
I figured it was time to go home for real now, though I had hours of daylight left. When I got home I felt so refreshed; so much better and happier than I had before. That time alone with nothing but my music and the world for company had woken me up. I started seeing things for what they are: the chickens as our chickens. As part of my life, and I could see the blessing they bring; Que and Sadie as my best friends rather than my horses; I saw my family as the best thing I could ever ask for, and I saw our house for what it really could be: my home. I saw our wonderfully free "country" life as perfect. Even the rotting skin on the bull's head was beautiful to me. On my much needed bike ride I felt whole, loved, useful, fulfilled, blessed, special, and I realized: You know... life isn't so bad. :)
As many times as I complain I have to say: Texas is quite beautiful in it's own flat, boring, hot and sticky way.
The only thing that could have made it better is if I could have shared it with someone...

 K'yeah! I wish Texas has roads like that!

Winter: My Secret by Christina Rossetti

I tell my secret? No indeed, not I:
Perhaps some day, who knows?
But not today; it froze, and blows and snows,
And you're too curious: fie!
You want to hear it? well:
Only, my secret's mine, and I won't tell.

Or, after all, perhaps there's none:
Suppose there is no secret after all,
But only just my fun.
Today's a nipping day, a biting day;
In which one wants a shawl,
A veil, a cloak, and other wraps:
I cannot ope to everyone who taps,
And let the draughts come whistling thro' my hall;
Come bounding and surrounding me,
Come buffeting, astounding me,
Nipping and clipping thro' my wraps and all.
I wear my mask for warmth: who ever shows
His nose to Russian snows
To be pecked at by every wind that blows?
You would not peck? I thank you for good will,
Believe, but leave the truth untested still.

Spring's an expansive time: yet I don't trust
March with its peck of dust,
Nor April with its rainbow-crowned brief showers,
Nor even May, whose flowers
One frost may wither thro' the sunless hours.

Perhaps some languid summer day,
When drowsy birds sing less and less,
And golden fruit is ripening to excess,
If there's not too much sun nor too much cloud,
And the warm wind is neither still nor loud,
Perhaps my secret I may say,
Or you may guess.

-Christina Rossetti-

Be My Escape by Reliant K

I've given up on giving up slowly.
I'm blending in so you won't even know me
Apart from this whole world  that shares my fate.
This one last bullet you mentioned
Is my one last shot at redemption.
'Cause I know to live you must give your life away.

And I've been housing all this doubt,
And insecurity, and I've been
Locked inside that house,
All the while you hold the key, and I've been
Dying to get out.
And that might be the death of me, and even though
There's no way of knowing where to go,
I promise I'm going, because...

I gotta get out of here.
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into my mistake.
I gotta get out of here.
And I'm begging you,
I'm begging you,
I'm begging you to be my escape.

I'm giving up on doing this alone now,
'Cause I failed and I'm ready to be shown how.
You've told me the way and I'm trying to get there.
And this life sentence that I'm serving,
I admit that I'm every bit deserving.
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.

And I've been housing all this doubt,
And insecurity, and I've been
Locked inside that house,
All the while you hold the key, and I've been
Dying to get out.
And that might be the death of me, and even though
There's no way of knowing where to go,
I promise I'm going, because...

I gotta get out of here.
'Cause I'm afraid that this complaisantcy is something I can't shake.
Yeah.
I gotta get out of here.
And I'm begging you,
I'm begging you,
I'm begging you to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity.
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made.
And all I'm asking is for you to do what you can with me.
But I can't ask you to give what you already gave...


And I've been housing all this doubt,
And insecurity, and I've been
Locked inside that house,
All the while you hold the key, and I've been
Dying to get out,
And that might be the death of me, and even though
There's no way of knowing where to go,
I promise I'm going, because...

I gotta get out of here.
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into my mistake.
I gotta get out of here.
And I'm begging you,
I'm begging you,
I'm begging you to be my escape.

I fought you for so long. I should have let you in.
(Oh how we regret those things we do)
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin.
(Oh-oh)
But, so were you...
So...were...you...

To my dearest brother Ammon...

No. Body. Likes. You.






































Kthnxbai.

My new song. ♥

Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet by Reliant K.


I think you know what I'm getting at.
I find it so upsetting that,
The memories that you select,
You keep the bad, but the good you just forget.

And even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
When you peel out and drive away.
I can't believe this happened.

And all this time I never thought
That all we had would be all for naught

No, I don't hate you,
Don't want to fight you,
Know I'll always love you,
But right now I just don't like you.
No, I don't hate you,
Don't want to fight you,
Know I'll always love you,
But right now I just don't like you,
'Cause you took this too far. Too far.

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice.
Go with your instincts along with some bad advice.
This didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all.
You blame me, but some of this is still your fault.

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge.
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge.
I think you know what I'm getting at
You said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that!


No, I don't hate you,
Don't want to fight you,
Know I'll always love you,
But right now I just don't like you.
No, I don't hate you,
Don't want to fight you,
Know I'll always love you,
But right now I just don't like you,
'Cause you took this too far.

And wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Over the heartache that they say
Never completely goes away.


No, I don't hate you,
Don't want to fight you,
Know I'll always love you,
But right now I just don't like you,
'Cause you took this too far...




http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Which+To+Bury+Us+Or+The+Hatchet+acoustic+/ynKu9

A little poem I wrote today.

The man in the hole he dug for himself.
How many must there be? 
I've met one before, 
He buried himself. 
He said it was for me. 


Disbelief is an understatement 
Of how I felt that day.
One left behind, 
And then she said, 
"Another's on the way."